He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
