i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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