How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
