I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo dont text me then not text me
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
