Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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