i think my tv is drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
