You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
