The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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