And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
