I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
