well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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