Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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