ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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