Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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