the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
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Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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