It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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