We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
