id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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