remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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