Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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