She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
