i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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