I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
