no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
