Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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