Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
