i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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