i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
