Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
