it's not cheating when I paid for it
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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