me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
