I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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