May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Of course I have a pirate flag
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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