Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
