I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
