I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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