Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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