No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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