i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
