So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
