How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it was like eating out sand paper
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
