Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize