I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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