Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
