it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I looked at my own cervix.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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