i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
