I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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