i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
