My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
