i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I will die if light touches me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i dont even know how to be here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
