she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
