You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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