I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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