Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
