No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
