I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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