I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
