mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
