I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
