Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
