Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
