Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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