There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
