like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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