dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
