so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
God I need to hump something, right now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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