I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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