trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
