I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
one might say we're banned from that church
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
