my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize