community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
