I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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