I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
