TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
