People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
