I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
