My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
